


Old Dog, Meet New Tricks

by Deejaymil



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Dave's having some good vibrations, Explicit Sexual Content, Hotch really wishes his team would stop involving him in their bickering, Light Bondage, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Spencer's a little shit, There are no goats (or rabbits) in this fic, spoiler: they won't
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 18:42:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18597184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Deejaymil/pseuds/Deejaymil
Summary: In which Spencer is a hot piece of ass and Dave's feeling tied up about it.





	Old Dog, Meet New Tricks

**Author's Note:**

  * For [LonghornLetters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonghornLetters/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Just Think of It as a New Experience](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18116048) by [LonghornLetters](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LonghornLetters/pseuds/LonghornLetters). 



Spencer was expectedly boring with his winnings, a fact which Dave did no end of griping about. It wasn’t fair that not only did Dave’s piece of ass – not that he’d ever call the man that to his face since he was sure Spencer would lecture him at such length about objectification that Emily would crown him Queen Feminist Icon for a day – have the prettiest mouth this side of the Atlantic, he was also excellent at gambling. It was a combination that did exciting things to Dave’s dick, but Spencer never utilised.

“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Spencer was grumbling over a bowl of what he purported to be ice cream, but which Dave could see nothing ‘ice’ about. It looked like an unholy mass of chocolate whip, sour candy, and sprinkles. “I bought us decadent dessert.”

“You bought me decadent dessert,” said Dave reasonably. “You bought yourself diabetes.”

“I bought you whiskey and a packet of roasted cashews too. What more could you possibly want?”

Dave raised an eyebrow at him while licking his spoon suggestively. If the night didn’t get R-rated soon, Dave was going to need to blow off steam in his own way, and then Spencer would pout about feeling ‘left out’. It was like house-training a puppy.

A sexy, sexy puppy.

Spencer stood, leaving his bowl of sugar-goop to melt into a wet mass of sucrose. “Fine,” he announced, swivelling on his heel and bowing backwards at a ridiculous angle to grab the keys of their rental. Dave appreciated the view. “Get in the car. Bring your nuts.”

“And my whiskey,” Dave decided. “Where are we going?”

Spencer smirked.

 

Left in the car like a misbehaving labradoodle, Dave got buzzed off his flask of gifted whiskey and made short work of the cashews. Spencer was taking forever and there was only so much of this dingy corner of Atlantic City that Dave could stare at before even the whiskey started failing to soothe his boredom.

The building they were parked behind was suspiciously nondescript. Dave stared at it for a while until he figured out the exact shade of nondescript it was, and then he chuckled and went back to setting high scores on all of Spencer’s mobile games for him to beat later. When that became boring, he downloaded a bunch of hamsters wearing hats and started sending them to various contacts of Spencer’s.

Midway through trying to convince Emily that he was indeed Spencer – she didn’t seem fooled which Dave found hard to believe since, out of all of them, Spencer seemed the most likely to mass-send hamster haircut puns – he looked up to see the man himself stooped by the back entry and chatting to the lady who’d walked him out. There was a box in his arms, also suspiciously nondescript. Dave hoped his glee was being transmitted through his gaze locked on Spencer’s right ear until finally the man waved goodbye with an awkward arm and returned to the car.

“You didn’t crack a window for me,” Dave complained as soon as Spencer opened the back-passenger side and slid his box onto the seat, carefully buckling it in. “You’re lucky no one called ASPCA on you.”

“You could have wound the window down. I left the keys in. You’re in the driver’s seat – you have full control of the vehicle!”

Dave slouched into his seat, sloshing his flask back and forth. “Back in my day car windows had crank knobs,” he muttered, “none of this button bullshit. I’m old.”

“Which means you can’t handle buttons?” Spencer was really eyeing him now. “You’re pulling the old dog can’t learn new tricks line because, what, you got left in the car for twenty minutes? You said you wanted new experiences. I didn’t realise you meant the mastering of car window declension –”

“It was thirty-two minutes, and most of that was you gossiping to your lady friend about, I assume, how best to achieve that silky-smooth feel when you shave your legs together and talk about boys.”

Spencer’s eyebrows were now vanishing into his hairline. Dave took pride in that.

“Well, I can see that you’re in a mood,” he said with sass that Dave thought was uncalled for.

“I’m just curious as to why my new experience involves a prostitute.”

Spencer glanced back at the now empty doorway where his ‘friend’ had been.

Dave continued, “And if you think I haven’t had every experience money can legally pay for –”

“Please don’t draw me into your sordid world,” Spencer warned. “I _am_ an FBI agent. Also, I doubt that, but it’s irrelevant. She hasn’t been a prostitute in seven years. We’re pen-pals.”

Dave believed him. This weirdo probably had pen-pals from every walk of life.

“Amazing,” he said fondly. “So why the sex shop?”

There went the eyebrows again, this time incredulous.

“If you can’t figure that out alone,” Spencer said snippily, “I’m surprised you even managed to derive what kind of establishment it was from the undecorated back wall, unless you searched the locale.”

“Oh, please. Like I need to Google what a sex shop looks like. Have you met me?”

“Nothing I do surprises you,” grumbled Spencer.

“My many ex-wives are all psychically telling me not to agree with that,” Dave said. “It feels like a trap.”

Spencer looked at him, and Dave relented.

“Look,” he said, “when it ceases to be true, I’ll let you know. Are we going back to the hotel now? I want a peek in that box before I retire again, and my flask is almost empty.”

Spencer said nothing, just rolled his eyes and gestured for Dave to take them away. The box rattled suspiciously the entire drive back.

 

The box was open. Dave was agape.

“You realise,” he said finally, looking up to where Spencer was watching with an unsettling amount of calm considering what he’d clearly planned for them, “there’s nothing ‘new’ for me about bondage, sexually or otherwise.”

“Or otherwise?” Spencer asked, tilting his head.

“What can I say, I’m an adventurous man.”

It was quiet, but Dave could have sworn he heard Spencer mutter, “I’m telling Hotch,” under his breath.

“Oh, he knows,” Dave said smugly, earning a scandalised look. He looked back down into Spencer’s box of goodies. Soft rope, safety scissors, one plain-paper-wrapped package that didn’t rattle when prodded, and for some reason a novelty straw. It promised fun, but new? Hardly.

Spencer slid the box away, taking the rope and idly playing with it. Tying complicated knots one-handed, tie undone and still looped around his neck, he looked like a particularly youthful stage-magician in the fine suit he’d worn to the casino that night. If he pulled a rabbit out of anywhere, Dave was outta here. Wanting new experiences didn’t involve small prey animals in the bedroom, thanks.

“I bet you don’t let people tie you up often though, do you?” Spencer asked, still doing tricks with the rope that were making Dave’s eyes ache. At one point, he seemed to pass the knot through itself but, when he let the loops fall loose into his palm, the knot was gone completely. Uneasy, Dave looked back up at the man’s sedate expression. “Not with your control issues.”

“You’re damn right I don’t,” said Dave before remembering how often the man in front of him had been kidnapped and tied up in their past. “Ah. I’m not tying you up, am I?”

“Don’t worry,” Spencer said, still smiling placidly. “I’m very good at knots. Get undressed and lie on the bed, face down.”

Dave didn’t move.

Spencer snapped, “ _Schnell_!”

“Yelling at me in German isn’t going to speed me up,” Dave blustered, backing up towards the bed despite himself. His entire body had suddenly rocketed from amused to aroused, and he wasn’t quite sure whether his brain was still in control.

“Your erection says otherwise.”

“I’m telling Hotch,” said Dave.

 

“Now who’s the kept man?” Spencer asked. He was using what Dave would usually consider undue cockiness, if usually was any time he wasn’t tied by his ankles to a bed with his hands bound in front of him.

He was indeed very tied up, but that still didn’t seem an excuse for insubordination.

Considering that Dave was naked and flat on his stomach and only able to crane his neck up for short stints of time to glare at his smart-mouthed piece of ass – and he was reconsidering not calling the man that to his face now, if only to take him down a peg – it was not a prime time for him to be feeling on top of things. Of course, he still did. Spencer had nothing on him. Whatever games he was playing, Dave would play them harder and better and probably louder to boot.

“Drink,” Dave grumbled. Spencer stepped into view in his nice suit and tie. That soothed Dave, unruffling his feathers enough to do an up-down examination of the man’s slim waist and long legs. The cut of the trousers, unfortunately, obscured if he was hard or not. Disappointing. “Nice. Do a spin.”

He did not.

Jerk-ass.

“Finely aged whiskey,” Spencer announced, leaning the glass close enough that Dave could get his lips over the … Dave blinked. “Courtesy of me and this neon pink crazy straw, with a ‘k’. For Krazy.”

“I would have thought the misspelling on the packet would have driven you away from ever purchasing a novelty straw again,” Dave commented. Despite this, he still sipped his very expensive and very fine liquor up through the indeed very pink straw. It was more effort than it should have been.

“It did until I realised how worth it it was to be able to see you like this.”

Dave released the straw and huffed. Lucky he’d already been buzzed before getting tied down; gravity was stopping him from getting appropriately hydrated with the ‘Krazy’ straw. With a ‘k’.

“Please tell me you didn’t spend all of your winnings on straws and rope.”

“I didn’t spend all my winnings on straws,” said Spencer. He looked supremely innocent. Dave didn’t trust him an inch. “I did, however, buy a remotely-controlled vibrator which I have every intention of inserting into you and then using to edge you until you break and beg for release.”

He smiled again.

Dave stared. His neck was starting to hurt from the angle but he refused to give in. He’d stare until the other man broke and admitted he was either a) kidding or b) Derek in disguise. Or maybe he had an earwig on with Emily on the other end telling him how to be a kinky fuck. Yeah, that sounded likely. No way Spencer was making this up on his own, and Emily seemed the voyeuristic type. But Spencer disappeared with the whiskey glass and, when he returned, he was instead holding in one hand what was very clearly a vibrator that his other hand was sliding a condom over the business end of. Dave continued staring as the stranger in his boyfriend’s suit checked the batteries and then, without a twitch on his expressionless face, checked that it was working.

It was.

“Was that inappropriately spelled too?” Dave rasped out. His voice was for some reason quite constricted, he assumed from a lack of whiskey that hadn’t been sucked through eight miles of neon pink. “Vibrator with a Q?”

Spencer didn’t answer him, just hummed a noncommittal, “Don’t wiggle,” before vanishing around the side of the bed to where not even Dave’s neck could turn to view him.

“Or else what? What could I possibly do right now by wiggling?”

“You’ll get lubricant on the suit. I like my dry cleaners. I don’t want to have to explain that.”

Dave snorted. “I find most dry cleaners prefer it if you don’t explain the weirder stains to them. They really don’t want to know – ah! Warm your damn hands up first, Igor!”

“Sorry.”

Dave didn’t think he was sorry. He didn’t sound sorry at all. In fact, he was probably making his hands even colder by choice using his monumentally ginormous nerd brain. What a jerk-ass.

“Just don’t lose that thing up there,” Dave said. He relaxed into the blankets as Spencer’s clever fingers lubed him up nice and smooth.

“Flared base,” Spencer murmured. He leaned close enough that his breath ghosted on Dave’s bare ass, sending an electric shock right from Dave’s brain to his cock. “I’m hardly new to tying men up and edging them with sex toys.”

“I don’t believe that, to be honest.”

Spencer paused. A low huff of air sent another throb of blood down south. “You don’t believe that I’ve done this before?”

“No,” Dave grunted, rolling his hips down to press against the towel under him. The restraints pulled at his ankles but, _fuck_ , was he ready to go. “I don’t believe that you even know what ‘this’ is. Bullshit you know what edging is.”

All Spencer responded was a hummed, “Mmmm,” that Dave felt in his soul, his eyes popping open as the heat collected between his legs and set his whole body to sharp attention.

“Fuck you make me hard,” he said. This earned a soft laugh. “It’s always the nerdy ones that are freaks, I knew that from the get-go – fuck!”

Spencer had removed his fingers and replaced them with the vibrator without so much as a ‘how do you do, anal’. He wasn’t shy about it either. Just slipped that sucker right in, only pausing to let Dave relax his breathing and accept the intrusion, sinking lower into the bed and muffling a moan into the pillows his cuffed hands were wrapped around.

“If you press that button right now, it’s gonna be ‘rockets away’ before we have any fun,” he warned.

“We wouldn’t want that now, would we?” asked Spencer.

He pressed the button.

Dave didn’t come, but it was a close fucken thing.

 

When Spencer finally started stripping the suit off, he made a real show of it. Dave didn’t mind. This was his favourite bit, watching with his chin propped on his clasped hands. The pillow was damp where he’d bitten it as the man had indeed teased him to within an inch of his life. The whole time in utter silence, just ramping the steady pressure of the vibrator up until Dave felt like he was being stripped apart from the inside out before dialling it back down to a low, constant hum. Dave felt sticky and exposed and almost unpleasantly aroused, his dick hurting where it was trapped between the bed and his body – but it was all tangling together into a pleasurable mess of ‘holy fuck this is gonna be brilliant when it all comes together’.

If Spencer would ever get his damn clothes off, anyway.

Perhaps in a fit of sympathy, Spencer had handed the controller to Dave before stepping back to get undressed. Dave knew he was being tested on his self-control. He could crank the thing now and shake the fillings out of his teeth or he could keep doing what he was doing, stroking his thumb across the button in a throbbing rhythm matching the pulse of his heart as he watched skin appear from under that expensive material. The suit jacket was gone first, folded gently over a nearby chair. Then the shirt. Button by button with his eyes latched on Dave’s face. He wasn’t wearing a belt, having lost that. Since Spencer was a skinny shit this meant that his trousers were being held on by sheer force of will, and no one in that room was willing them that strongly to stay. They hung around his hips, the lean shape of his abdomen sliding smoothly down into the suggestion of hipbone and, when he turned to pull the shirt free and drape that across the same chair, the two divots in the sparse fat of his flanks where his back dimpled in. Dave stared at those dimples and imagined dipping his fingers into those perfect holds as he railed the man from behind, stroking the button a little harder at the thought. Hips rolling into the bed and a low groan trying to work from his throat.

“Enjoying the sight?” Spencer asked. His voice was husky. He was undoing his fly now, half-turned.

“Thinking of fucking you,” Dave confessed with relish. “It’s been way too long since I’ve been able to look down at my cock in you.”

Spencer turned sharply. “You go from zero to one-hundred without any warning, don’t you?” he pointed out with an amused huff, his trousers hanging open. Dave could now see the white of his briefs, the suggestion of a shadow of hair like an arrow pointing to the goods, and a definite hardening outline. “You get horny and that’s it, the filter’s gone.”

“Gorgeous, I’m always horny.” Dave evidenced this by closing his eyes as he held the button down and let the thrum of the vibrator spool all the way from his ass to his dick.

“Concerning, considering our line of work.”

“Context, jerk-ass, context. You glued in those pants or something?”

Perhaps sensing he was pushing Dave’s very limited patience, Spencer dropped his pants. Dave opened his eyes, delighted to see that there was indeed a delicious sight waiting.

“Nice erection,” he said proudly.

Spencer rolled his eyes at him, awkwardly hopping on one foot to remove both his sock and his underwear with the other hand. It would surely have been unattractive on anyone else in this world, except this man who managed to make the Bambi-learning-to function move look good. Then he vanished, striding around the bed and only offering a snapshot of his dick and ass to Dave before disappearing.

“No fair!” Dave said. A hand slid under him, curling around his cock and stroking twice as he obediently lifted his hips to allow access. “Ooh, I changed my mind. Totally fair, keep that up.”

“Just wanted to see if you’re enjoying the night as much as I am,” Spencer murmured, leaning in close and nipping at the back of Dave’s earlobe.

He didn’t squeak. It might have sounded like a squeak, but David Rossi was far too dignified to squeak.

“You keep this up, I’d argue I’m enjoying it more,” Dave pointed out as the bed dipped. There was a weight beside him, his body tipping towards it with the soft rope pulling at his ankles before a bare leg slid over his back and a slim weight settled down. Spencer traced his thumb around Dave’s ass, teasing the sensitive skin where the vibrator was settled.

Dave whimpered.

Spencer ignored that whimper, leaning his weight forward, his cock hard against Dave’s ass for a hot second as he reclined with his body in a complementary angle to Dave’s, and reached out to take the controller back. Dave didn’t put up much of a fight. He was a bit concerned about making any sudden movements, to tell the truth.

“How long could you handle me touching you everywhere but where you want me to?” Spencer hummed into his ear. He lined his cock up nice and firm along the line of Dave’s ass, rolling his hips to seat it prettily before setting the vibrator going. Dave buried his mouth into the pillow and stifled his moan, knowing that the reverberations of it were pleasing them both right now. “I know all your erogenous zones. I bet you’d beg me to touch you more within ten minutes.”

He was making good on that threat too. Besides his dick, his hands were being cheeky and stroking Dave’s skin in tempting lines and feather-light touches. Down the side of his back without sneaking to the side of Dave’s ribs where even the gentlest touch would have him writhing; his mouth brushing against the corner of Dave’s jaw without lowering to line kisses along the sensitive skin of his throat. Spencer’s other hand smoothed down the side of Dave’s hips, palm flat to the hot skin there as it followed the angle of his hipbones down to where Dave was sure it would ultimately end wrapping around his cock. Back arching despite himself, like a damn cat in heat, and all this served to do was press himself harder against Spencer.

“Jokes on you,” Dave panted, trying to tempt that hand lower. It ignored him. “Every part of me is an erogenous zone. Any way you decide to touch me is just peachy.”

“Is it?” Spencer asked quietly, sitting up so the only point of contact was at their waists. Dave whimpered as this pushed the toy in deeper, the vibrations intensifying. He ground himself into the bed and felt a growing wet spot on the towel they’d put down.

Fuck.

A warm hand landed on the small of Dave’s back, steadying him. Dave imagined Spencer fucking him.

A finger traced down Dave’s spine, feeling like it pulled all his sense down with it. It slowed as it reached his ass, Dave feeling his spine bending down as though the air-light touch was instead a terrible weight. By the time it got where it was going, he was an exaggerated shape against the bed.

Spencer broke the unnerving silence first when an unfathomable amount of time had passed, his hand now laid along Dave’s hip. At this point, it didn’t really matter that it was towel and blanket Dave was rubbing himself off against as the vibrator kept up a steady unbroken hum; he’d have probably fucked the pillow if it was between his legs and comely enough.

“If you beg,” Spencer whispered, bowing flat in a sudden smooth move that pressed his whole weight onto Dave and drove him, breathless, into the bedding, “I’ll touch you.”

Dave whimpered, “I don’t beg.” It sounded tougher in his head than it came out as, strangled and thin.

“If you beg,” Spencer continued with a tedious kind of smug self-satisfaction, “I’ll fuck you.”

Dave reconsidered his stance on begging, briefly. But if it ever got back to Hotch, he’d never live it down.

“Fine,” Spencer finished, now sounding as satisfied as though Dave had run himself into a trap. “If you admit I surprise you, I’ll let you go and you can do everything your lewd mind is imagining right now.”

Dave’s brain went deliriously blank of all lewd things.

It rebooted with a full-body shiver. He fought the restraints to stare at his weirder half. “Buddy,” he declared with passion, “you’ve shocked, stunned, confused, aroused, and fucking ruined me all in one night. I was wrong, okay! You’re surprising as fuck and I’ll tattoo that on my ass if that’s all I need to get your cock inside me.”

Spencer moved fast. Suddenly, his weight was gone. There was a pull of pressure at one ankle and the rope was loose, letting Dave roll to his side with simultaneous groans of anticipation and twinges of pain from his abused joints. But he didn’t have time to ponder his pains; Spencer was back, slithering onto the bed and into Dave’s arms without even undoing the rope around Dave’s wrists or untying his ankles. Still restricted and feeling like he was in danger of rolling back off the bed, Dave abruptly had an armful of very naked man rubbing against him in a delicious touch of warm skin and a hot mouth, kissing his way along Dave’s jaw until he reached his mouth.

Their first kiss of the night was electric, made more so because of one very alarming outcome:

“You’re leaning on the remote,” Dave groaned, his body arching madly into Spencer’s as the intensity ratcheted up and shattered his fucking mind. Every part of his felt like it was locked with ramrod attention on that humming, vibrating sensation and he couldn’t think, just react. “Sp – fuck!”

Spencer’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him tighter. His dick finally pressed against Dave’s and Dave rutted helplessly, breath locked in his throat and unable to keep kissing the other man while his entire soul was being pulled out via his ass.

“That’s it,” Spencer hissed, biting it off into a moan that Dave wanted to eat, it sounded so good. Breathless and fucked up, trailing off at the end into a groan and a jolt of his hips. Pulling them tight and grinding against each other without respite for a good thirty seconds of everything in Dave pausing, waiting, right on the fucking cusp. “A little more, just a little more, just –”

He broke off with a gasp.

Dave couldn’t help him; he was still tied up. He just did the next best thing, shuffling down and finding the junction of throat where a stiff collar would hide it, where he bit down. Spencer yelped. Dave sucked, hard, rolling onto Spencer to pin him there and force their cocks together.

Spencer, with another of those startled noises, came.

They were locked so tight together that Dave could feel the aftershocks working through the other man’s body. Slight twitches and the relaxation of muscles as Spencer went from hard to loosening into a sedated puddle of genius in Dave’s, still restrained, arms. There was a startlingly small amount of come smeared between them considering how worked up Spencer had been. Dave refused to relent until he’d added to the mess.

“Don’t go soft on me before I get my shot,” he growled, biting his way along Spencer’s collarbone and earning a low whimper from the man as his cock twitched half-heartedly. “This is why I’m dating a younger man. You’re supposed to outlast me.”

“I did,” Spencer mumbled sleepily, turning his head to fix Dave with the most placid, fucked-out look Dave had gotten in months. Abruptly, it slammed into him; god, fuck, here it came. He moaned, arching, waiting for the release – and Spencer _mmmm_ ed gently and leaned forward, murmuring, “I’ve come three times tonight watching you. Once before I’d even got my pants off.”

There it was.

Dave came with a shout that Spencer barely got his hand over his mouth in time for. The bed groaned under them with the violence of his body jerking towards the other man, and he followed up the shout with a delirious growl as he found the other man’s mouth and kissed him fiercely while his cock and balls did their job fucking up what was left of the towel.

The post-orgasmic clarity was moderately sobering.

“You pain in the ass,” Dave declared, lifting his head and realising his legs were sore and his wrists were too and they still had to do the thoroughly unpleasant job of getting the vibrator out. “You got off three times? I haven’t done that since I was nineteen!”

“I’m aging better,” Spencer said tartly. Dave considered tying him up just for that and leaving him here. They could find a new genius. A better one. A _cleaner_ one. “Also, I’m going to tell Hotch that you admitted you were wrong about something. He’s going to be so pleased.”

“If you do, I’m telling him you still finished before me,” Dave countered. “You won’t talk about your sex life with him to argue the point, and I have zero shame.”

“That’s sexual harassment. You can’t sexually harass our boss.”

Dave gave him his best ‘watch me’ look.

“I’m starting to think I should have used my winnings to buy a better boyfriend,” Spencer muttered, looking down at the mess with his nose crinkling.

“Nonsense,” said Dave. “Some things money can’t buy.”

**Author's Note:**

> **Edited January 2020.**


End file.
